Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Swings and Roundabouts

The last week has been a real challenge, this illness really is difficult to control.
I began waking after only a couple of hours sleep feeling completely refreshed and without the need for a proper nights sleep. Things began to speed up, my thoughts were racing and my head was full of plans and ideas. I realised all was not well and arranged to see my cpn, my doctor agreed to see me the same day and we agreed that extra medication to sleep might be a good idea so he prescribed me some sleeping tablets.
The first couple of nights I managed a bit more sleep but not much more and one night I went out, and stayed out all night which wasn't a good idea really. A few days ago though things started to slow down and my head slowed right down.
I realise that there is a part of me that likes the high but I know I have to control it, because all too soon I could end up sectioned.
I asked my cpn whether my mental health history would be a problem when I decided to have children and she advised me that there would be a pre birth conference with professionals to discuss what extra support I would need. I am terrified that social services might deem be unfit to be a parent, but my cpn assures me that would not happen.
I have many, many fears about my long term prospects since I got ill, but the biggest one is not being well enough to take care of my children. This is why I'm working extra hard to stay well, no more not taking meds etc.
I hope I'll have a long period of stability now but I'm worried that these swings are now a permanent part of my life.

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